You know a day is gonna be a good one when you walk into your room on the train and there is one beautiful woman already sittin there. Never seen anyone like her though. She can’t be human. No way she can be. Too pale. Her hair is too…whispy. But damn, she’s fine. Her name is Nu. I’ll have to remember that. Not that it’ll be too difficult. She’ll probably stick with me for a while. Apparently she’s lived a pretty sheltered life. Guess I’ll just have to keep a careful eye on her~
We weren’t the only ones on the train. When I say I am surrounded by beautiful people, man do I mean it. Not one of them is unattractive. Whatever gods that exist must have been smilin down on me today. Maybe a little too much. There’s a paladin. His name is Cedric. Not too fond of that. As long as he doesn’t get in my way we should be fine. There were two other women in the hallway. Both gorgeous, but one was waaay more fun than the other. Taz I think her name was. Sharp lady. She seemed pretty quick on her feet. Probably an elf or something judgin by her ears. The other one said her name was Anna I think. Cute. Country girl. I’ve met plenty of those in my lifetime. Young too. I’d be willing to put money on the fact that this is probably her first time away from her farm. This’ll be way too fun.
Apparently she had a friend. I seriously thought his name was Dead. You have got to have the shittiest parents alive for them to name you ‘Dead’. Talk about setting their kid up for failure. Turns out his name was Death. Or Deth. Or whatever. Spelling who cares. Fuckin gorgeous though. Prettiest man I’ve ever seen. He almost seemed not human in how pretty he was. Whatever. There he was sitting next to my fourth favorite thing in the world: food. That train was fuckin great. I don’t think any other train will ever compare.
Any food can be gross when you’re breathin it in though. That train just couldn’t make up its mind. Don’t move, go really fast. La dee fuckin dah. The group started movin. Decided to follow them. Left Anna there to eat. Somethin about her grandma teachin her somethin. Oh right. Creepy little girl with a doll. Gloria she said her name was. I fuckin hate dolls. Creepy as fuck. Anyway.
I couldn’t break down a fuckin door. I couldn’t break down a door. Talk about a blow to the pride. To be fair Taz couldn’t blow it up either. Some useless red haired guy said something about the conductor being trapped behind the door. Not that I gave two shits, but I guess it was his fault the train was goin so goddamn fast so I decided to stick with those guys to figure things out.
And then the screamin started. I could go on about screamin. But this wasn’t good screamin anyway. This was ‘Holy fuck run for your lives there’s somethin on the train’ screamin. Which was still fine by me. Except the nasty things flung shit everywhere. One of em stabbed me in the foot. Taz said what they were but I didn’t really hear her. Something about weird lookin shit goblins. Who cares as long as you can kill em. Cedric was actually pretty fuckin badass. If he keeps this up I might actually like him.
Kill Tally: 1 of those fuckers. Not good enough in my opinion.
We split up after that. Me and Cedric and Nu followed the screaming into a room full of cars. That old guy with the daughter with the creepy doll was there beggin for help. I woulda said fuck him unless there was somethin in it for me, but goody two shoes Cedric had his golden heart moved by his problem so we went to look for the girl. Led us to more of those nasty suckers. Got shot in the shoulder this time. Fuckin shoulder wounds man. Cedric ran to get the girl, I stayed back to do some good ol killin. Nu stayed with me.
Kill Tally: 2 this battle. Total: 3. These things make really nice blood smears.
Went back to return the girl. Gave Cedric her doll. Fuckin great. Now the ugly sonnuvabitch stayed with us. Did I mention that I fuckin hate dolls? Because I do. Creepy bastards. Met back up with everyone else. They had a bell. Apparently they’d been killin things too. They talked. We went back to the conductor’s car. I busted down the door this time (suck it rusty fuckin door) and found myself a room full of them nasty lookin things and their friends. Only this time there was a bigger one with em. Three eyes. Bright blue. Lots of teeth. Just lookin at the ugly fucker gave me the shivers.
Speakin of the ugly fucker, I got a nice friendly electric hug from the nasty thing. Bad move on it’s part. That meant I didn’t have to move to get to it. Started gettin swarmed by the rest of his pals though. Had some backup from Cedric. And then Nu came in. Beautiful, wonderful, nimble, flexible Nu. Stabbed the big nasty fucker in the back. Nothin more thrillin than watchin a beautiful person fuck some monster up. Only issue with that was she got swarmed worse than I did and she is waaaay smaller than I am. Seriously thought she was gonna die. If she hadn’t hauled her ass outta there I woulda done it for her.
Thankfully Deth got off of his ass and killed one of the things trappin her so she could get out. That guy’s got a good aim on him. Not to mention he’s great at the pep talks. I split that big fucker in two after that. Killed him dead. Left me plenty of room to start fuckin up the rest of em. Cept I almost got bombed. Thanks Taz. S’okay. It missed. Killed more of those fuckers. All in all I like these people. They get shit done. Enough so that the last monster in the room jumped out the fuckin window. Shame though. Wanted to kill it.
Kill tally: 2 and one big fucker. Turned one of em to guts n blood and gave Anna a nice taste. Whoops. Took one of the big fucker’s teeth. Total: 6
Took Nu back to the room after that. She was pretty passed out. But damn was she light. Still stickin by the no way she’s human line. Dunno though. Woulda sucked to lose her so quick in the journey. Glad she got out of that mess alive. And Cedric yet again shows he ain’t so bad. Healed us all a little bit. He seems pretty new to this kinda thing. Hopefully he gets better. I get the feelin we’ll be gettin hurt a lot more. Also, finally fuckin made some goddamn money. 260 gold. More than the 14 I had. It’s nice to have some money in my wallet again. Slept. Ate. Got off the train. Decided to all stick together. It’s probably a good idea for this whole mountain adventure killin shit thing.
It better be 2000 each adventurer because splittin that between 6 people would suck.